Dear Logbook, thirty-eighth day of the fifth trip.
Today I will not put like that December 8, the “Last day” of this trip. Today it can be, hopefully it is. But it is something that has not taken me away or takes my sleep away, as they say. Everything indicates that the ship will arrive on the coveted Island, from which to depart for excursions on my beloved KS ship in search of revisions. Going out to sea and returning to port.
Today is that day that many people around me, who I can never thank as they deserve all the support they have given me, deserve to give them good news. Hopefully it will be like that. For Gadea, Martín and especially Marta, I hope that today they give us the ok, to the change of “status”. And for others as well, but they have lived it too close every day, every moment. I wish they never had to live it. But life is so. And as it arrives, it must be fought and lived together. He has his bad things, but also his good things. I know I say it many times. But, my Diary, I tell you because I feel this way. Yes, I wish I had not been through this, but it is happening, so there is no place to turn it over. I think that from the beginning I have faced it with determination and courage, because there are many reasons to do so.
Today we will see what the future holds in the short term. Who knows me, knows that what worries me most is not so much knowing if everything is going well or not. Looking at the analytics, we might think so. What worries me most is … and after this what? It is NOT that he has me, I think, for wanting to know everything, but for my way of being. To have more or less clear what will be about this disease in the future, checkups, reviews, etc. Yes, I will try to deal with these uncertainties. Something that maybe until you face this, you don’t think about it. You may tell me today that I am cured, but of course, that may or may not be definitively. I’m not worth the phrases of encouragement, “sure yes”, it is a fact, no one knows. I only know that what calms me the most is that as we have faced this first challenge, if more come, we will face them with more determination and desire if we can pass them. That I think is more productive than thinking or hearing that I am free forever. This, my Diary, I don’t think you take it as a show of pessimism, or bad mood. I write it to you, as a sign that there are things in life for which there is no absolute certainty, with what I only say and write what I feel and what I do not want to hear. I am clear and I think consistent or aware of what there is. Don’t get mad at me But this expedition has taught me many things and one of them is to take certain things for granted.
The night I have been able to sleep something, like 7 hours. Whether you want it or not, today is an important day for me and for many people who have shown me affection. After breakfast at the grumetillos, we all went by bike to school. From there I may have taken my last carriage to my beloved ship KS (Karolinska Solna). There I met my beloved and suffering half orange Marta. Honey, I’ve told you many times, but less than you deserve, I LOVE YOU A LOT. There we have waited for Captain Palma. She has told us the results of the CT scan that they did on my birthday. 4 weeks ago She has told us that I am in FULL REMISSION. That everything is fine. If it were like in Sweden my medical leave the reinstatement would be progressive, but that possibility does not fit. February 1 officially, effective February 3 Monday. And in 4 months review to see how we are doing.
And after answering a few questions, I had more doubts that Godos kings have been in Spain, we have left the ship. Marta, heading to the office and me, heading to school to pick up the bike and go home.
Important day in our lives. As they have been lately on August 22 when they tell us that I have cancer, on September 16 when I receive the first chemo session, on October 25 when they tell us that in view of the PET results you can talk about full referral, on November 25 when I receive the sixteenth and last chemo session in just 10 weeks or on December 18. Day that in addition to being my birthday from my previous life is the day in which they make me the final TAC. Days recorded in my memory for decades, I imagine. Today I suppose I will approach the post office to send a message to family, friends and acquaintances. And I suppose that later I will return to the office to pick up many more.
And my Diary, tomorrow more.